Night Lusts

The nights are long, the trees are black, and there is no light to be found.

Where the lonely wanderers of the night walk down the empty halls, nothing but the sound of their blood rushing and their own breathing to keep them company.

Comfort is found in the stale air of the room, the quietness, the remoteness.

For once, their mind is allowed to wander, wander through the various hours of the day.

The faint whisper of a memory passes over, brushes against their arm;

A breath of laughter, a hint of a smile, the first sun after a cold winter.

But now their mind is a restless animal, prowling the edges and furthest corners of their existence;

lurking,

waiting,

wanting.

This is a place where it is possible to forget the name, the number, or even the birthday of a long time friend.

There is longing in their stomach and it claws back and a hole is slowly being made.

The sleepless night has condemned them, to walk these halls, unable to find rest, unable to find the comfort of sleep.

How can they stop the jittering in their hands? The shaking of their leg? The uneasy feeling that creeps back into the pit of their stomach and fills that same hole?

Why is it that they can not turn off their brain? To have one fleeting moment that is completely their own, without the whizzes and buzzing; the constant chattering.

How can their bones still ache, their head still pound?

Finally exhaustion clouds their vision, letting them sink down;

Down into the coolness of the sheets,

Sleep finally taking them.

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August 22: A thought

I am doing something that scared me a little bit. I am going to be posting my first ever literary work on the internet! Not just yet though, I have to make you work for it. And before I do that I want to be honest with my audience. One of the biggest fears that I have is of being shot down, especially over something I that I believe that I have worked hard on. Recently, I was in contact with a literary magazine and they showed signs of interest in my writing which is something that has never happened to me before. Shortly after a brief email exchange, they decided to not publish my work. While that did sting, I did not want to let that dictate how I feel about something that I love doing. That is an important lesson that I took away and I think that everyone should take away. Just because someone doesn’t like or agree with something that you create, doesn’t mean that it is bad. Everyone in this world is entitled to their own opinion and even though their opinion is different than yours does not necessarily mean that they are wrong or that you are wrong.

We, as a race of humans, need to stop the inherent competition that we have with each other and no it isn’t just women. Every time something is going well for someone that we know it always makes us reflect on our own life and our own standing. For example, if your friend just got engaged or received a promotion don’t think “I wish that was me”, instead be happy and present in the moment for someone that you care about. Unfortunately, that is a lot easier said than done. It is really hard, for anyone, to not think about themselves and thinking about one’s own well being isn’t always a bad thing. It only becomes a bad thing when you aren’t happy for someone that you love/care about because of a goos thing happening to them because the same thing isn’t happening to you.

Wow. That was an unplanned little tangent! My initial point, that got lost in that self love speech  was that just because someone doesn’t like your work doesn’t mean that you should ever give up on doing something that you love. I mean, there are literally two people who read this blog and I’m pretty sure one of those people are me and the other is my mom. Just because something isn’t going your way does not mean that you should give up. If something makes you happy, especially if it has something to do with creating content, you shouldn’t do it all for an audience, it should be for yourself. That is what keeps me writing these post and what keeps me sending poems to publishers. It isn’t for a monetary purpose or an award or even recognition. It is because when there was nothing else, I has writing. I do this for myself and for my happiness. While I enjoy sharing my life, helping people, and knowing someone cares about the words that I write, it is also important to keep in mind that this is also a reflective experience. So I greatly encourage people, no matter how big or small your audience is to always do what you love.

Thanks so much for reading and I’ll be posting my piece soon. Love to all. Please don’t forget to like, reblog, favorite, comment,  or show your friends. Every view counts and know that I am touched by every single person who spends the time to read. Just knowing that you guys are out there keeps me going. Thank you so much.

Cheers

BD


August 20: ANOTHER post?? What???

Hi guys,

See, I told you that I would be posting more. I actually wanted to address a serious issue that is what actually encouraged me to start writing again and is the reason that I began this blog in the first place. Before I say anything, I just want to let everyone know that I am not trying to persuade anyone one person towards a particular political party or view, I am simply giving an observation that I have made both living within the United States and abroad.

One of the things that is hardest for me to accept about daily life as an American citizen, personally, is the blatant passivity that a lot of citizens have on things that are supposed to help the country. Forget the country that we live in now. I’m almost 99% sure that most reasonable people will agree that the country that we live in has some flaws. Now, I am not bashing the US in any way, shape, or form, I think that we posses many great qualities, BUT there are also a lot of things that we need to work on.

The curse, if you will, that comes from having this sudden realization that America might not necessarily be the “greatest country in the history of the world”, as some politicians vying for reelection might put it, is an overwhelming feeling of hopelessness. I sit everyday and think to my self, “What the f**k is going on here!?” You see, I want to change things, I really do. I want something that I do to have even the most minor impact on the world. I want to wake up and not turn on the television and see that a child, regardless of race, is killed. I want to wake up and not hear about another country we boomed by drones. I want to wake up and really not hear Democrats yelling and Republicans yelling, because it really is both sides. I want to wake up and live in a country where politicians are’t fighting for reelection, but fighting for what is right regardless of the consequences (consequences being not being elected again) that come with it. But again, that ambition was shut off by the same overwhelming feeling of hopelessness. How can one person, in a world of 7 billion people and in a country on 3.189 million people, change anything? This is what made me write again. Because I want to be a voice for people. Because if even one person speaks up, the chain of passivity is broken. Just because something works, doesn’t meant that you stop trying to improve it. I mean, isn’t how Apple keep selling iPhones? My point is this, there needs to be a change, and there needs to be a change fast. Right now, the fight should not be about making the country that we live in great again, it should be about making the country that our children and grandchildren are going to live in great again. I speak to everyone of you directly, do. Not. Be. Passive. There are things that you can do to help make change. Change is not going to drop from a tree and hit you on the head, because you aren’t Isaac Newton! Go and take the change that you deserve.

Thank you so much for reading. I know this was a long post, but this issue was something I needed to talk about. As always, Like it, drop a follow, comment your ideas/opinions about this I would love to start hearing from you. Tell your sister about me and keep reading.

Cheers,

BD


August 20, 2015: Oh my…

Hi everyone!!

So I’ve realized that I have been really lacking on the upkeep of this blog… Like really, really lacking… Like Matt LeBlanc post “Friends” kind of bad upkeep. I know that I said that I would be posting “basically daily” (ha, see what I did there?) and I haven’t been living up to the standard that you guys have set for me, all two of you. Anyway, I promise that I will do better. An while “better” is a relative term, I will actually try.

Love to all and please continue to read. Comment if you want, give it a like, tell your mom. It means the world to me.

-BD


August 12, 2015: Approx. 12:44 am: How did I get here?

I sit at my computer, the screen illuminating my face, a huge contrast to my dark room. My eyes are heavy from exhaustion, my fingers are tired, my dog looking at me disgruntled and upset that I am keeping her from her “beauty sleep.” Yeah right, what does a dog need beauty sleep for? The first thought that comes to my head as I am writing is, how the fuck am I supposed to fit everything in this tiny ass box? I need to release energy but am afraid that I will wake the neighbors and the cops said that if they get one more noise complaint, I’ll be making my way downtown (walking fast, faces pass, and I’m homebound). I obviously am joking about my possible incarceration, mostly because my neighbors are about 86 years old and can’t hear when the doorbell rings. Unfortunately for my neighbors who lack the rambunctiousness of youth, I still have a few more good years in me, and in the popular style of people with no friends and too much time, I decided starting a blog would be a good idea. While I am inexperienced in basically everything, I wanted to give it a shot. Like it says in my bio, I’m just a girl looking for her audience. So tell your friends, even the annoying one who talks to much and smells like moth balls because if even one person reads this and enjoys my writing and humor, it would mean the world to me.

Cheers,

BD